Rejection, cont'd...
The universe is playing tricks. It's so tricky! I remember thinking way back somewhere in the middle of Mexico that when I returned to the United States I wanted to be a hippie. I wanted to be a freelance writer and hula hooper. Somehow I planned to make money doing that. My career goals and material wants had all but disappeared. Living life at my own pace seemed like the only thing to do.
But, I got back to the states and saw my credit card debt, and my old reality started to sink in. I got distracted. I was forced to think of money first, like most of mainstream society. Instead of making hoops to sell at the Saturday farmer's market while looking for full-time work, I got a weekend job paying $10/hour at a bakery. Why this made more sense, I don't know.
Now, after nearly 6 months of rejection, (yet another one yesterday) I look at my life this minute and realize I am doing exactly what I told myself I wanted to be doing. I am a freelance writer, and I just sold my first hoop on Friday. The day before that I was asked to be in a music video-- this will be my second filmed event hooping. Why is my hula hooping "career" presenting me with more opportunity than my college degree?
On one hand the universe is guiding me down a path--one that I asked for specifically. Approaching 28 years old, it's guiding me down the path toward my playful, free-spirited and unstructured kid-like self.
On the other hand, the path created by my rational, driven, socialized self has met roadblocks the entire way. I can't find a full-time job in my field. No one wants to hire me when they can get someone with 10 years experience for the same price. When I apply for jobs in my backup career, I'm told that even though I have years of experience, they'd rather hire someone who is currently working in the field. I'm somehow stuck in this wierd warp, an undesireable hire no matter what.
I met these hippies from France who were selling bohemian clothes on the sidewalk. They live in India for most of the year, up near Nepal, and it´s snowy there, so they come to Mexico for part of the year and travel in a motor home... sell handmade clothes from Indian fabric. There are so many ways to live that are not mainstream, and I am being introduced to them all. I love it!! It´s also a bit confusing, but I did have an epiphany:
I have been trying to decide for years what I want to be "when I grow up." But the trick is, the big secret is... that there is not one point at which you have to be grown up. It´s all made up of little pieces... days, weeks...years. So, right now, I want to travel. Another piece is invest in real estate. Another piece may be to start my own business. All this stuff is adaptable and changeable.
yay. I finally figured it out.
But, I got back to the states and saw my credit card debt, and my old reality started to sink in. I got distracted. I was forced to think of money first, like most of mainstream society. Instead of making hoops to sell at the Saturday farmer's market while looking for full-time work, I got a weekend job paying $10/hour at a bakery. Why this made more sense, I don't know.
Now, after nearly 6 months of rejection, (yet another one yesterday) I look at my life this minute and realize I am doing exactly what I told myself I wanted to be doing. I am a freelance writer, and I just sold my first hoop on Friday. The day before that I was asked to be in a music video-- this will be my second filmed event hooping. Why is my hula hooping "career" presenting me with more opportunity than my college degree?
On one hand the universe is guiding me down a path--one that I asked for specifically. Approaching 28 years old, it's guiding me down the path toward my playful, free-spirited and unstructured kid-like self.
On the other hand, the path created by my rational, driven, socialized self has met roadblocks the entire way. I can't find a full-time job in my field. No one wants to hire me when they can get someone with 10 years experience for the same price. When I apply for jobs in my backup career, I'm told that even though I have years of experience, they'd rather hire someone who is currently working in the field. I'm somehow stuck in this wierd warp, an undesireable hire no matter what.
What's weird is that I am beginning to see what life is all about. People always said that life is never what you expect or plan for, and I am starting to see what they mean. Who knows where I will end up. But right now I am a... hula hooper?
WTF?
I found this letter I wrote my dad while I was in Baja in January. I had it all figured out:
There´s a reason I am in Baja right now, and I know I will come home with a more clear idea of what I want to do.I met these hippies from France who were selling bohemian clothes on the sidewalk. They live in India for most of the year, up near Nepal, and it´s snowy there, so they come to Mexico for part of the year and travel in a motor home... sell handmade clothes from Indian fabric. There are so many ways to live that are not mainstream, and I am being introduced to them all. I love it!! It´s also a bit confusing, but I did have an epiphany:
I have been trying to decide for years what I want to be "when I grow up." But the trick is, the big secret is... that there is not one point at which you have to be grown up. It´s all made up of little pieces... days, weeks...years. So, right now, I want to travel. Another piece is invest in real estate. Another piece may be to start my own business. All this stuff is adaptable and changeable.
yay. I finally figured it out.
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